Posts Under Category Standup Comedy
George Carlin the Pope
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
Bill Maher on creationism and the flintstones
I was just at the newly opened Creationist Museum in Kentucky…. And they have this exhibit of a giant dinosaur…with a saddle on its back. Because the world is only 5000 years old, so man and the dinosaurs had to coexist, and, of course, we rode them. A theory I thought laughable at the age [...]
Bill Maher on superman and supermen
Why is monotheistic faith better than polytheistic? I mean, either you believe – if you believe in, like, a magic person who can do magic things, why is it different – so different if it’s Superman or the Fantastic Four?
Bill Maher on some ‘spiritual advisors’
Pastor John Hagee, a spiritual advisor of John McCain has got a book called Jerusalem Countdown: A Warning to the World. He predicts that Russian and Arab armies will invade Israel and be destroyed by God. Israel will then be the site of a battle between China and the West, and will be led by [...]
Bill Maher on some modern causes
……and I never thought I’d be the one to say this, but: Don’t show me your tits. Last week, the world’s first "Nurse In" was held to protest the case of a woman who was breast-feeding in public, and asked by an Appleby’s manager not to leave, but just to cover up a little bit. [...]
Bill Maher on Diana
Stop saying that we all killed Princess Diana because we bought the trashy tabloids that stalked her. "I buy tabloids. She was in tabloids. Oh, my God, what have I done?!" "She was too good and we were too selfish, and she died because of our sins." It’s the Jesus story with a blond chick. [...]
Bill Maher on the French
Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word, "France." Like just calling something "French" is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, "What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?" And, yet, an American [...]
Bill Maher on a Woman President
Hillary Clinton will never be president as long as women keep acting crazy. Now, I know this is not fair. Men don’t have to answer for every time Mel Gibson gets drunk and channels Hitler. Or Charlie Sheen hits a hooker over the head with another hooker. But, the truth is, there are too many [...]
Bill Maher on the iPhone nerd tax
Stop b*tching that Apple cut the price of the iPhone. Early adopters always pay a premium. "Early adopters" being a business term meaning "dipshits who stand in line for six hours… for a freaking phone. It’s not a price cut. It’s a repeal on the "Nerd Tax." If you didn’t have to be the first [...]
Bill Maher on Yahoo, Meebo and Mebo
Technology businesses must cut the baby talk. It’s 2007. You’re a rapacious, multi-billion-dollar corporation, not a stuffed animal. This week, Yahoo! announced a deal with Bebo, which will help it compete with Google. I had to Wiki Bebo to find out it’s kind of like Friendster and Woofy. Gosh, I hope they can all band [...]
